sunday mornings

the smell of warm coffee
and sounds of the pancakes dribbled
light drizzles kissing your fingertips
morning dew cripples

the first slant of light creeping
through your pink-curtained windows
warming up your skin
like hot chocolate on a winter morning

Mga etiketa: poetry

These past few days have been a series of wake up calls for me. I didn't even realize how I fell to the same pattern over and over again, slowly letting go of the things that might have kept me alive. All the things that equated to sunshine. In a lot of ways, nature had its own process in reminding me. Thank God for that.

I'm hoping I can beat the odds once again.

Mga etiketa: change, the past

Sometimes I feel trapped.

Like i'm in this four corner box. Two places that make me feel like a butterfly in a jar. I don't want to stay here forever. Sometimes I feel like i'm being choked to death and I can't breathe. Sometimes I feel so lost and I don't want to be found, because if I am, then I'm going to have to face the pitfalls of reality again. I know I can do better and that I have every potential to be worth something, but sometimes I feel scared. Scared that what if I want it too much that I fail to do it? I can only imagine that there's this life out there waiting for me. This great life of independence, appreciation and happiness. Not dissapointment, being dejected and not especially what I feel in the scalding fire of today, of what's infront of me.

I want to know that there is something out there waiting for me. A place in this world where I can find myself. Some place I know I want and to just mold into the contours of that place, feeling safe, feeling like me.


But we always want what we can't have..

Mga etiketa: save me, secrets

Second post for today. I decided to read some of my posts this year and last year's. Wow. I must have sounded so mysterious, and at some point...weird. Especially with that pimple dream. OH MY GOD I AM SUCH A WEIRD PERSON.

The thing is, though, after reading that post, I actually remembered the important bits and atleast 30% of the dream. Documenting it must have been good for me. Anyway, I just want to clarify a few things..for you, readers (if there are any of you, that is. Lol.)

* The tags explain a whole lot about the post than I am willing to elaborate.
* The tags also explain who the hell I'm talking about. One tag for each boy. Haha. Whatever. But, seriously though, some of you might think that all I talk about is the same person, but no, if you read it thoroughly, you'll see. *Wink

Now Playing: Dance With Somebody (wtf? completely out of context!)

So tomorrow marks the two years since..well, my first kiss and the heartbreak after that. I must quote Mayday Parade's Kids in Love with this one. It's not that I am not over it, believe me, I am. But can you ever blame someone for reliving a memory that has probably scarred them since?

Honesty hour.

I haven't told anyone a lot of things, especially not everything that happened.
Not how I actually really liked him and hoped he would change.
Not how bad I felt with the rumors that engulfed my name in flames.
Not the fact that it actually stung when people, even friends, made fun of me for that.

Which is why people would say it was nothing but a pointless fling/game of cards.
But I am over it right now, and I really am relieved at how I did, and thankful for the lessons that came after. If you're wondering what this post is about..it's, well, to tell you how I dealt with the aftermath. And maybe I just want something juicy/interesting to read about my highschool life ten years from now. Cause, uh, it would be such a shame if nothing remotely remarkable happened.

A year after that, it was still not out of my mind. I tried to bury all those feelings but it kept crawling back at me.

I haven't thought of him for the longest time..but today, I stumbled on a certain song on my playlist. And his face just popped out of nowhere. I just smile at the memory. Bittersweet it may have been, but hey, i'm quite all right today. *wink

Anyway, the reason why I really did blog is because I wanted to get this blog back since this is probably the only blog I have that I actually kept for a whole year or something. I'm really bad at losing things...unfortunately, that included emails and passwords. But then again, I found it today. THANK GOD.

Mga etiketa: boys, highschool romances, the past

Now Playing: We Found Love - Rihanna & Random Thai Beat
Mood: I might have to rest for tomorrow.
State: Droopy eyes, unremoved eye makeup and almost but barely there foundation

I'm pretty sure I will remember today which is technically yesterday (June 17, 3:05 AM) of my teenage life. So much memorable things happened all in one sitting. What difference does waking up early make. Some school activity which may have been a hassle at first became a good memory and a learning experience of which I had so much fun pulling off, t'was seconded by a trip to the mall and a reroute. Conversing with those people gave me new thoughts and a new perspective towards other people. Plus, tonight had me dancing my butt off at a huge party and having so much fun, guys involved ;). No, I didn't do any of those things you have in mind. But, it was indeed memorable and interesting.

It's probably a memory to live by. My last day of freedom before helldom was indeed spent well..with so much people. The latter might be a good thing for me, eh? Anyway, the night was closed off with a scandalous revelation that had the whole neighborhood flocking from their places. It's over and done with though.

PS: boy one or boy two? They have the same eyes. Which is kind of freaky. And a two year gap between me and them. I don't have to choose at the moment, I think. 'Cause I'm not quite as sure if the first one's legit or the second one's for real, since I think he still has eyes on another.

Indeed, it is fun being a teen, despite all the angst and bitterness towards life.

Mga etiketa: boys, crushes, happy, highschool, mixed feelings, school, teenage lust

So I basically have nothing to do right now but surf the net. I could always practice my instruments but I don't feel like practicing when there are people around. I've always found the peace and quiet attractive and I would give the world to be able to experience that for a whole summer. I'd love to be able to travel and stay at that place for the whole summer, and not just for a week. It's nice to go see other places and meet other people (cute boys included) I'll be travelling this week to a foreign place and I'm sure it will be fun just like the last time I went to a foreign country. I just won't have to expect anything so I wouldn't get my heart broken. I'll take lots of GOOD pictures( I hope though) I should've wished for a camera for my birthday. Mine got broken two years ago and I haven't had it replaced since because I just use my mom's camera now and my vanity sort of stopped for a while due to those reasons I just stated last year. My enthusiasm sort of dropped down, but I'm sure as hell back on track right now. I'm developing my resillience and I know it's a good thing because I stand back up way faster now than I did before. I think I might create a new tumblr account with my photography photos. I want to venture into photography this summer since I'm mostly concentrating on music. I'm also trying to finish a story (which I will, later) but I'm still confused if I should do it first or practice my instruments which are calling out to me at the back of my head. I NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER.

Mga etiketa: Hi 2012, summer